At 29 weeks I was put on bed rest. I think that was one of the scariest doctors appointments I had ever been too. Before my appointment I knew I had been doing too much, I knew I needed to slow down because my body was feeling like it was at a breaking point....but instead I ignored it to try check off a few things on my never ending to do list. We had only been in our new house for 3 weeks!
So as I was waiting for my name to be called for over 30 minutes like a ball full of anxiety I finally broke down and called Hubs and said I needed him with me. Of course he came and I felt more centered when they brought up the picture of my cervix. But I immediately knew what I was looking at wasn't consistent with the millions of previous checks. It was shorter and starting to open from the top....all signs of preterm labor. So as soon as the ultrasound tech told me the numbers I knew from previous conversations with my doctors that we were in the danger zone...only 1 cm above it in fact.
After seeing the doctor we had a better perspective of what my care would look like if my situation worsened but we had no idea what the care for Luvbug would look like as the possibility of a hospital stay hung in the balance. And of course we had no idea what or when our little twins would arrive but we knew we weren't ready, they weren't ready, and that it would be sooner than expected. Thats when the panic set in. Statistically about 50 percent of twin pregnancy end up on bed rest but we had been praying against this because as a stay at home mom this certainly wasn't an option for us. So despite the knowledge we were not prepared. We still aren't.
But that first week I was on bed rest was the scariest. Thankfully we had some help with our 2.5 year old allowing me some rest....which was a huge blessing. So the night before my appointment with my perinatologist, which was only 5 days after my OB put me on bed rest, I was packing my bag getting it ready for my hospital stay wondering if I would be at home the next night to tuck my daughter in. I know this sounds dramatic to some but I have only been away from Luvbug for just over 24 hours 1 time in her life. And there was a possibility that we had no one to care for her during the day, and i would be admitted the hospital for weeks. I was worried about how she would do to yet another huge change in her life. And of course I was afraid for our twins. So we prayed every night that God would not shorten my cervix at all....we were only 1 cm away from being admitted to the hospital! So we kept praying and praying that some how it wouldn't worsen...that in 4 days with minimal rest I would be able to come home instead of to the hospital.
To our wonderful surprise my cervix had lengthened 1 cm. Not a big difference but enough to keep us at home for one more week. So this is our life now......never knowing what tomorrow brings for all 5 of us. Every week we go through the same ritual, re-pack my bag, worry my cervix isn't holding up (because the pain is increasing), pray for God to take our worry away and keep our babies in our womb for as long as possible, and then anxiously off to another doctors appointment waiting for the screen to pop up and the ultra sound tech to give us a magic number. ohh and then all days in between spent calling, interviewing people/ places, to find loving child care for our daughter who has had only me as her care giver for her whole life. We are praying for a wonderful person who will love our daughter as Christ calls us to love and who we can trust explicitly if I am taken out of our home for several weeks. We haven't found that person but I know they are out there. So we will keep praying and rejoicing every time my cervix stays strong and solid.
As I just re-read the above paragraph I can see the panic in between my words but really what echos in my mind is the phrase "never knowing what tomorrow brings." And really I believe that is where God wants us...never knowing but always having to relay on Him. It forces us on our knees, reminds us that His plan is greater than any of the plans we have for ourselves, and that He is the only one in control. Who better to be in control of my sweet children's destiny than the One who simply spoke words out of His mouth and formed all that we live in. Its a humbling and comforting truth!
Please pray for us as we are still trying to keep our sweet baby girl and baby boy baking in my oven at least until 36 weeks (just over 4 weeks!) and pray with us for an amazing person to come along to care for our precious luvbug!
And here is a simple yet refreshing reminder....
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7
And we are still having some fun around the house. Luvbug's first attempt to teach her brother and sister how to finger paint!
1 comment:
You are almost there!! Love the picture:)
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